Birthday Reflections of a Forty-Something Mom

As I sit here staring at the blank screen, I am torn between writing what I really feel or just sugar-coating the truth so it sounds better. Too much information is not good, but pretending that everything is roses and rainbows would just be a flat out lie.

Maybe I should just walk the fine line down the middle of the road.

Forty-something. What does that really mean? Is it a number we throw out there because we don't want people to know our real age or is it a frame of mind? Something that says, "Listen world, I'm not young and I'm not old. I've got lots of things to learn still and I'm old enough to admit my mistakes". Yeah, that sounds good to me.

This last year has been a bit of a whirlwind for me. Things got super chaotic for a while and I wasn't sure if I would ever see the light at the end of the tunnel. I quit smoking in December 2012, so nicotine couldn't get me through it this time.

I felt like the hamster running in the wheel, going faster and faster, yet never getting anywhere. Constantly on the go and wondering when I would get someplace. When would I get where I wanted to be in life? When will it be my turn?

Wait, do I even know where I want to be?

As a single mom, my day starts at 6 am and ends around 11 pm or midnight. Later if I choose to actually do something like watch a movie or read a magazine article.

I'm tired. I loathe doing dishes two and three times a day. I want someone else to do the laundry and the grocery shopping for me. My house is not perfect, nor will it ever be.

As soon as one chore is done, there is another one waiting for me. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom ... a full-time working mom with a son who I adore beyond words. He makes me proud and reminds me that if I put my mind to something, I can and will do it. Like the title of this blog says, Life with Dylan inspires me. This child, this little mini-me, inspires me to be the bigger person. He reminds me why life is worth living to the fullest.

Stop.

Stop what you are thinking. I am not whining or complaining. I am simply being honest. Like I said, life is not always roses and rainbows; however, we seldom say these truths out loud for fear of being criticized. We have been taught to only share happy things on social media. Never the bad.

I think people need to start walking the line a little more. Add some of the bad with the good - then maybe those of us running on the hamster wheel won't feel so alone. Sometimes we need to turn things around. Stop being the pessimist and start being the optimist. For example, how often do we say, "Hooray for Monday!" ... not too often. However, we always say TGIF! My friend Marcy got me hooked on #MIHM (Make It Happen Monday) and it helps me feel like I might actually get someplace. Even if it's just getting some things checked off my to-do list, or getting that batch of photos edited. You should try it next week.

As I reflect on what is the last day of my 43rd year, I am reminded that I may not have it all together. I may not have the perfect life (who does?) and I probably made a few more mistakes then I wanted to. However, this is my life and looking back over the years, I have been blessed with so many good things. The mistakes I made this year have only made me a stronger person. I learned to stand up for myself and my beliefs; although not everyone agreed with my choices, they were just that, MY choices.

So what does next year have in store for me? Who knows.

What I do know, is that I am ready for it. Bring it on 44!