Life with Dylan

Category: acceptance

  • Birthday Reflections of a Forty-Something Mom

    As I sit here staring at the blank screen, I am torn between writing what I really feel or just sugar-coating the truth so it sounds better. Too much information is not good, but pretending that everything is roses and rainbows would just be a flat out lie.

    Maybe I should just walk the fine line down the middle of the road.

    Forty-something. What does that really mean? Is it a number we throw out there because we don’t want people to know our real age or is it a frame of mind? Something that says, “Listen world, I’m not young and I’m not old. I’ve got lots of things to learn still and I’m old enough to admit my mistakes”. Yeah, that sounds good to me.

    This last year has been a bit of a whirlwind for me. Things got super chaotic for a while and I wasn’t sure if I would ever see the light at the end of the tunnel. I quit smoking in December 2012, so nicotine couldn’t get me through it this time.

    I felt like the hamster running in the wheel, going faster and faster, yet never getting anywhere. Constantly on the go and wondering when I would get someplace. When would I get where I wanted to be in life? When will it be my turn?

    Wait, do I even know where I want to be?

    As a single mom, my day starts at 6 am and ends around 11 pm or midnight. Later if I choose to actually do something like watch a movie or read a magazine article.

    I’m tired. I loathe doing dishes two and three times a day. I want someone else to do the laundry and the grocery shopping for me. My house is not perfect, nor will it ever be.

    As soon as one chore is done, there is another one waiting for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom … a full-time working mom with a son who I adore beyond words. He makes me proud and reminds me that if I put my mind to something, I can and will do it. Like the title of this blog says, Life with Dylan inspires me. This child, this little mini-me, inspires me to be the bigger person. He reminds me why life is worth living to the fullest.

    Stop.

    Stop what you are thinking. I am not whining or complaining. I am simply being honest. Like I said, life is not always roses and rainbows; however, we seldom say these truths out loud for fear of being criticized. We have been taught to only share happy things on social media. Never the bad.

    I think people need to start walking the line a little more. Add some of the bad with the good – then maybe those of us running on the hamster wheel won’t feel so alone. Sometimes we need to turn things around. Stop being the pessimist and start being the optimist. For example, how often do we say, “Hooray for Monday!” … not too often. However, we always say TGIF! My friend Marcy got me hooked on #MIHM (Make It Happen Monday) and it helps me feel like I might actually get someplace. Even if it’s just getting some things checked off my to-do list, or getting that batch of photos edited. You should try it next week.

    As I reflect on what is the last day of my 43rd year, I am reminded that I may not have it all together. I may not have the perfect life (who does?) and I probably made a few more mistakes then I wanted to. However, this is my life and looking back over the years, I have been blessed with so many good things. The mistakes I made this year have only made me a stronger person. I learned to stand up for myself and my beliefs; although not everyone agreed with my choices, they were just that, MY choices.

    So what does next year have in store for me? Who knows.

    What I do know, is that I am ready for it. Bring it on 44!

  • Trying to stay positive in a world of negativity

    I learned something yesterday. Well, actually I realized something, because I believe I have always known that my way of living is different from that of others. I had difficulty keeping myself engaged in conversations because my thoughts and opinions were different than those around me. At times I felt like banging my head against the wall because nobody seemed to understand what I was saying.

    I believe that everyone has the right to their own opinions about politics, the environment, and what type of job is best for them. I don’t believe that someone should be put down or made to feel inferior because their opinions may not be the norm. I live an eco-friendly lifestyle, love wildlife, love photography, and believe that in some small way I am doing something to make this world a better place.

    I do my best to minimize waste and recycle everything I can. Seeing so many things go into a trash can that can be recycled hits a nerve that I can’t seem to get over. Yet it seems I have to walk on eggshells when voicing this opinion. Seeing plastic bags everywhere drives me crazy – people reusable bags are not that expensive and they won’t sit in landfills or pollute the oceans. In fact, most stores sell them for under a dollar. The food waste during the holidays is unbelievable. I won’t even get started on this one.

    I don’t believe in giving a lot of materialistic gifts. We don’t need them and sadly, most will end up in a landfill at some point. Sure, I purchased a camera for my son as a gift this year, but he is passionate about photography and needs a camera that actually works to pursue this passion. For the third year in a row, I will be giving friends and family gifts that cannot be bought in a store. I will be purchasing wish list items from the San Diego Zoo and adopting animals to help save wildlife. These gifts come from the heart and I would be honored to receive such a gift. What difference does it make if my family spends $50 on a gift that I can probably do without or if they adopt an animal in my name for $50?

    If a rhino is murdered in Africa, most people don’t give it a second thought. Me on the other hand – I sit here and cry as I’m reading the news story wondering what I can do to make it all stop. I believe in making a change for the better and that the results of my actions will last longer than my life here on earth.

    Last night I was talking with a friend and she reminded me to keep following my passions. She said that the older generations dislike change and that the best we can do is keep voicing our beliefs and teach the younger generations. I already knew what she said was true, but it never hurts to be reminded that it is ok to be different – to march to the beat of your own drum.

    I will …
    Never give up.
    Stay strong.
    Be positive.

    Why? Because …
    One person can make a difference.

  • The benefits of slowing down and making some lifestyle changes

    Sometimes you need to take a step back – take a step outside yourself and look within yourself. When you do this it is easier to see what changes need to be made. Sometimes the change can be small and other times the change can be quite drastic.

    Just as the clouds change and draw our attention to the sky, lifestyle changes can bring our attention back to the important things. Back to the basics. 

    Change allows us to see things from a different perspective. What is causing so much stress? What can I do to relax more? Do I really need that in my life? Sometimes we are forced to make changes due to financial situations, but the changes that we make because we want to change something – those are the best kind of changes.

    Over the past week I have made some drastic lifestyle changes. I have made a conscious effort to remove stress and all drama from my life. I’ve decided to slow down a bit and spend more time reflecting on the important things. Now while these things may not be important to you, they are important to me. It does not matter how many times people tell you to change something, the change will not matter, nor will the change become a permanent lifestyle change unless you make the decision to change yourself.

    First things first, I had to remove what was causing me the most stress and taking away from the peace I so badly wanted in my life. Getting rid of the drama and “fake” friends was top on my list.
    Removing the drama was actually very easy. Just the click of a mouse – delete, unfriend, unfollow. While this may sound harsh, it was necessary and needed. Taking time for me – well, that was a simple as getting up a little earlier to enjoy the sunrise. Eating better has also made a significant difference in how my son and I feel. Diet and exercise, even if it is just walking to watch the sunset have brought a sense of peace to my days.

    Slowing down meant taking time to read and spending less time on the internet. Less time watching television. Canceling cable took care of wasted time and saved me over $100 a month. A co-worker gave me a great book to read, Financial Peace Revisited by Dave Ramsey, and I have never felt better about spending or saving money.

    Most importantly, I learned that I had to make the changes for myself. I am 42 years old and shouldn’t have to answer to anyone but myself. Therefore, I am slowing down and enjoying the lifestyle changes I chose.

    Whatever the case may be, change is always good.

    What changes can you make in your life to be happier?

  • Is it a Slump or another Mountain to Climb?

    We’ve all been there. The feeling of listlessness, completely unmotivated, sitting on the couch … in a slump.

    Some slumps only last a few hours, others days. My slump has lasted about 4 days and frankly, I’m tired of being in a slump. Mostly because I can’t pinpoint why I’m here. What has caused me to be so tired and unmotivated to do anything?

    I managed to go through some paperwork last night and create some reasonable to-do lists. I feel like this is something I can accomplish this weekend. I have enjoyed relaxing and watching some of my favorite TV shows at night. I’m not feeling stressed out and I’m not getting sick.
    Then it hit me like a book in the head. Just like the stack of books I have cherished for so many years that sit beside my bed.

    My slump is caused by the realization that my life as I have known it for over a decade is ending. My life as a makeup artist is no more.

    (more…)

  • Everyone Needs Validation at One Time or Another

    Validation is something that I believe we all strive for at some point in our lives. Whether it is consciously or subconsciously, everyone desires their work or actions to be validated by family, friends, or society.

    For a child, validation can be seen in the smile on a parents face or heard in the clapping of hands for a job well done.

    For a student, validation can be seen in the grade received on a test or by achieving the honor roll.

    Once we reach adulthood, these acts of validation become harder to come by. Sure, as adults we receive a paycheck from our employers for a job we have done – but this is something we are told to do. Go to school, graduate, get a job, get paid, and be self-sufficient. This is what society expects of us.

    The type of validation I am talking about is much greater. The kind of validation that I am not really expecting; let alone looking for at this point in my life. The validation from a father, who I do not have the best relationship with, and have not seen in years. The father who left when I was only two years old; the father I have subconsciously yearned to get some sort of praise from since I was a young child.

    Last week I received not only praise and recognition, but validation on more than one level from this man. I am 41 years old and this man brought me to tears as I read his email. Tears of a little girl who loves her Daddy.

    Yes, I am a good mother.

    Yes, he is proud of his grandson.

    Most important, he is proud of his daughter. The validation I have been longing for all my life came today. This man, my father, sees me for me and has validated all of the little things I do in a way that no other person has. Ironically, the person I thought didn’t know me at all may be the one person who really does.

    He gets it. He gets me. He understands my purpose, my writing, and what drives me to do the things I do. No matter how small your actions may be in this world, no matter how much support you receive or do not receive, always remember that somebody out there is watching you from the sidelines. Anticipating your next accomplishment and waiting to give you that validation that you so desire, but would never dream of asking for.