Life with Dylan

Category: single mom

  • Sometimes I forget that he is still a child

    One of the best things about being a single parent is the close relationship that I have with my son. We are best friends and talk about everything. He doesn’t feel the need to hide anything from me and I have always told him that we are a team. We plan vacations together rather than me telling him where we are going. The last time we moved it was an open discussion. We have lengthy talks about conservation and how together we can save the world.

    One of the worst things about being a single parent is the financial struggle that seems to never go away. I still remember how happy I was when he was potty trained. Woo-hoo, no more expensive diapers and daycare rates went down. I had conquered what I thought was a major mountain at the time, only to find out a year later that it was one of many small hills. His feet kept growing, which meant new shoes and his appetite continues to grow, which means higher grocery bills. Lord help me when he becomes a teenager!

    He knows that when we go to Target it doesn’t mean he gets a new video game every time. He knows that when we go to the grocery store he can’t have his favorite tortellini unless it is on sale. He knows that when we go to the zoo he doesn’t get to buy a new book every time.

    When he says, “Mom, I can’t wait until we have enough money to  …”
    I stop in my tracks and gasp. My heart sinks. I think why are these words even coming out of his mouth? He should not be worried about this. He should be worried about how long he can stay outside playing or how late I will let him stay up on the weekend.

    I don’t believe in holding things back from him – I never have. Many people disagree with me about this, but I think he is a better person for knowing the value of a dollar. He knows buying food and paying rent comes before buying a new video game. He gave up his birthday to raise money for the tigers. He is years ahead of his age at times – but sometimes I forget that he is still a child.

    Teaching to live within our means is one thing. Sharing too much information and having a child worry is another.

    I may be able to have adult conversations with my son about a million things, but starting today money is no longer one of them. As parents we often forget that children pick up on our stress and it becomes their stress. They have a lifetime ahead of them to deal with stress – let them be kids for as long as they can.

    Have you ever noticed your child picking up on your stress?

  • Strengthening Family Bonds

    Well, Spring Break is over. I have gone back to work. Dylan has gone back to school. No more staying up late and sleeping in. It’s back to the daily grind of packing lunches and homework.
    Sounds sad right?

    It all depends on how you look at the situation. We both had so much fun over the break on our mini-vacation in San Diego (yes, I will be posting pictures and sharing soon) that we have decided to adapt to the vacation mode lifestyle. At least as much as we can and still manage to go to work and school.

    Over the break we led a simple life. No real schedules, no hectic going from one place to another. We talked more – real conversations. We laughed more and I believe our bond as mother and son strengthened because my attention was focused on us. On our family. Not on what had to be done around the house or checking emails.

    He said please and thank you more. He actually put things away without me asking him to. This went on the whole week of Spring Break and has continued. Was this my son? Why the sudden change?

    Well, as with any change, it is best to look at what was done different in your daily routine. Knowing that I couldn’t really count going to the San Diego Zoo, or the San Diego Zoo Safari Park, or staying at a hotel for two nights, I had to think. What had we done different.

    Ah yes, that was it. We were talking, not arguing. We were smiling, not pouting. We laughed instead of crying over hurt feelings. We treated each other with love and respect.

    Something happened in San Diego, and I can’t quite put my finger on it – but I’m not complaining.
    I like adapting to a simpler life. Enjoying what each day brings and planning new things to do together – as a family. Because when all is said and done, the strength of a family can move mountains. Me and Dylan – we’re moving some mountains.

  • My open letter for all the single moms out there

    Dear Doubter,

    You know who are. You are the one who told me when I was 6 weeks pregnant that I should consider giving my child up for adoption. That there were plenty of wealthy families in Orange County that would love to have a new baby. People that could provide a much better life for my child than I could.

    Why? Because I was a single 32-year old woman and couldn’t possibly offer this child what he needed.

    Why? Because I didn’t own a home or have a six-figure income. Because we all know that money is what buys love and happiness right?

    You doubted me. You doubted my abilities.

    Money does not buy love or happiness. Sure, it helps when you’re not struggling paycheck to paycheck, but a child does not know the difference between a brand new toy and used toy. It’s a toy. A child does not care if their clothes are brand new, designer labeled or if they come from a consignment store. The important thing is that a parent provides clothing for a child.

    Yes, I struggled and sometimes still struggle – but I have friends and family that have always been there to help with babysitting and moral support when I need it.  My son never suffered or wanted for anything when he was a baby, a toddler, and now an 8-year old boy. He is loved more than you will ever know.

    Why? Because I don’t think you know what love is or what it means to be a mother. You may take your family on vacations across the world and my vacations may only be to San Diego for the weekend, but I bet we have more fun than you do. Why? Because we appreciate the vacation and don’t take anything for granted. We don’t live in a big house on the hill or drive a fancy car, but we have a roof over our head and a car that doesn’t guzzle gas.

    I have wanted to write this letter to you for some time now. My son, you know the one you wanted to me to give away, just had a report card that blew me away. More than the one last year.
    He is reading at a 4th grade reading level (reminder, he’s in 3rd grade) – he is excelling in math and science – he is a Cub Scout – he will be getting his 3rd grade Bible in a few days – he’s an artist – he loves animals – he is everything that he should be and more.

    Why? Because I loved him and gave him things that money couldn’t buy.

    So the next time that you see a single woman, an unwed woman, who is pregnant think twice before you open your mouth. Single moms work harder than you do. Single moms don’t have everything handed to them. Single moms know how to love. Single moms are strong.

    We will fight harder for our children and protect them from people like you more than anyone I know. Never doubt the love of a single mom.

  • Who do you think I am … Your Mother?

    This past week has been nothing short of a much needed break. For me and for Dylan. While some people had last Monday off for the Presidential holiday, our school district had the entire week off. Technically it’s called Presidents Week, but everyone calls it Ski Week.

    We didn’t go skiing. Heck we didn’t even leave Orange County really. Our days have consisted of staying up late, sleeping in, watching movies, building LEGO houses, a trip to the Aquarium of the Pacific, and me catching up on some to-do lists. Nothing overly exciting, but nonetheless, welcomed and needed.

    Somewhere among all the relaxing, my son actually expected me to make him breakfast at 9 a.m. every day. Then a few hours later he was hungry again and wanted lunch – then dinner.

    What? I’m on vacation.

    And even when I’m not on vacation I only make him dinner because he eats lunch at school and my mom makes him breakfast since I have to be at work so early in the morning.

    Three meals a day? Really? Do you know how many dishes that equates to? Enough to give me dishpan hands!

    Rather than spend my time leisurely surfing the web, writing on my blogs, and pinning until my hearts content on Pinterest, I am expected to entertain this child of mine. Not for just a weekend, but for 9 whole days. Two weekends with a week in the middle.

    Who does this child think I am … his Mother or something?

    Why yes, I am. So no matter how much I want to sleep in or tune out to the world around me, I will make 3 meals a day, wash dishes, do laundry, and entertain this child I love so much.

    Why? Because I am his mother and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  • I Am Who I Am ..

    Day turns to night and the months pass by. Seasons change and the years seem to go by faster as I get older. I change. I evolve. I am not the person I was 5 years ago, nor am I the writer I was 5 years ago. I have changed.

    However, one thing remains constant in my life. My son. My life has evolved, but for the past 8 years one person has remained by my side giving me the support and love I could not find anyplace else. My son – Dylan.

    Although I am a me, Michelle, and I have a life of my own as a grown woman, my life would not be the same without him. That is why this blog is called Life with Dylan … not because my life has no meaning without him, or because I want to continually talk about my child, but because this is what I choose.

    I am many things …

    I have been a Beach Baby since I was old enough to walk. Therefore, my twitter handle is @bchbby
    I am a makeup artist. Maybe not in the business sense anymore, but I will always be a makeup artist.
    I am a Mom. Some may say I am a Mommy Blogger.
    I am a college graduate who made sacrifices for 2 1/2 years to get my BS in Psychology.
    I am a writer who loves to tell stories.

     … and right beside me through these sacrifices, triumphs, challenges, and life is Dylan.

    We have a bond that cannot be explained. There is no Dad in the picture here. We are together 24/7 with the exception of school and work of course … and I always find time for me because I know that is important for both of us. I am going through a lot of changes in my life right now. My career is changing and who knows, maybe one day I will change the name of this blog … but for now this is one thing that will not change.

  • Mom Guilt

    I have heard that the secret to a happy marriage is never go to bed angry. This may be true.

    However, today I learned something even more important. Never leave the house angry in the morning.

    Today had to be one of the worst days ever as a Mom. I was having a bad morning and I was running late for work. Rather than stay calm, I proceeded to take out my frustrations on my son. He wasn’t tying his shoes fast enough, his lunch wasn’t ready, his homework wasn’t in his backpack.

    (more…)

  • Single Parent – Only Child

    Single. Alone. Without a companion. It is one thing to be a full-time single mom; however, it is another thing to be an only child. Sure, both are alone, but as a single mom I have plenty of chores and activities to keep me busy. Sometimes a little busier than I would like. I don’t really have time to sit and think about the fact that I am all alone. Sure, I have my friends to talk to and co-workers, but we all know that just is not the same as a companion.



    An only child on the other hand has every waking moment to realize that he or she is, in fact, alone. It is a full-time job, sometimes a mission, for an only child to find a companion. Someone to play with, someone to laugh with. Living in an apartment complex doesn’t seem to help matters much either. My son doesn’t understand why some days the neighbor kids can play and other days they cannot. I can see it in his sad eyes, holding back the tears, when he comes home and says they are having family time. Either their Dad just got home and they want to play with him or the three siblings are watching a movie together. Family time. Something my son has never had. Yes, we do things together and have tons of fun. We laugh together, but sometimes we cry together too.

    I know that I am a good Mom and that my son has a good life, so why do I always feel guilty about the fact that he has no Dad and no siblings to play with? He is well adjusted, smart, loves to read, and an all-around great child. However, there are so many days when I look at him, really look at him, and see the sadness deep within his eyes. I see the emptiness of being an only child, longing for someone to play with him each day when he comes home from school.

    Like me, my son is single. Alone. Without a companion. The difference is I have come to accept it and filled my days with caring for him. Making sure that I do all I can to give him a good life. So again I ask you, why do I feel so guilty?