Life with Dylan

Category: Thoughts and Reflections

  • Sometimes I forget that he is still a child

    One of the best things about being a single parent is the close relationship that I have with my son. We are best friends and talk about everything. He doesn’t feel the need to hide anything from me and I have always told him that we are a team. We plan vacations together rather than me telling him where we are going. The last time we moved it was an open discussion. We have lengthy talks about conservation and how together we can save the world.

    One of the worst things about being a single parent is the financial struggle that seems to never go away. I still remember how happy I was when he was potty trained. Woo-hoo, no more expensive diapers and daycare rates went down. I had conquered what I thought was a major mountain at the time, only to find out a year later that it was one of many small hills. His feet kept growing, which meant new shoes and his appetite continues to grow, which means higher grocery bills. Lord help me when he becomes a teenager!

    He knows that when we go to Target it doesn’t mean he gets a new video game every time. He knows that when we go to the grocery store he can’t have his favorite tortellini unless it is on sale. He knows that when we go to the zoo he doesn’t get to buy a new book every time.

    When he says, “Mom, I can’t wait until we have enough money to  …”
    I stop in my tracks and gasp. My heart sinks. I think why are these words even coming out of his mouth? He should not be worried about this. He should be worried about how long he can stay outside playing or how late I will let him stay up on the weekend.

    I don’t believe in holding things back from him – I never have. Many people disagree with me about this, but I think he is a better person for knowing the value of a dollar. He knows buying food and paying rent comes before buying a new video game. He gave up his birthday to raise money for the tigers. He is years ahead of his age at times – but sometimes I forget that he is still a child.

    Teaching to live within our means is one thing. Sharing too much information and having a child worry is another.

    I may be able to have adult conversations with my son about a million things, but starting today money is no longer one of them. As parents we often forget that children pick up on our stress and it becomes their stress. They have a lifetime ahead of them to deal with stress – let them be kids for as long as they can.

    Have you ever noticed your child picking up on your stress?

  • Why conservation is important to me

    Everyone has something they hold close to their heart. Something they are passionate about and that somehow connects with them on a personal level. As you have probably figured out, I am passionate about conservation and preserving what the earth has to offer for our future generations. 

    We recently lost an animal known as Lonesome George. He was the last of his species and now my family will never get to see this La Pinta Island giant tortoise. When my son and I read about this loss, we cried. Some may think crying over an animal you’ve never met is ridiculous. Others may think there are hundreds of other Galapagos tortoises – you see them at the zoo. These are the people that don’t get it. They don’t get the big picture and I would say that only a third of them ever will.

    I will probably live longer than the Northern White Rhino species. My sons children will probably never get a chance to see a Northern White Rhino. Why? Because these animals are hunted and killed … Just as the tigers and elephants are hunted and killed. When I read stories about this in the news, like the one I read today, it makes me sad and angry. I sit here racking my brain trying to figure out how I can help. These animals can’t talk. They can’t ask for help. So it is up to people like me, people who call themselves conservationist, to bring awareness to others about the plight of these animals and the importance of keeping them alive. Not just for our children and grandchildren to see, but for the survival of the animal world.

    When I see a picture of an endangered animal or one at the zoo or read a sign at the zoo that says only 39 left in the wild, I literally stop and catch my breath. These animals are so beautiful and I fear that too many people take them for granted.

    Don’t assume that because you can see an animal at a zoo today it will still be there in 20 years. Zoos educate us about the animals and let us see them up close, but the best way to ensure a species survival is for the species to thrive in the wild.

    Once you come face to face with an endangered animal, you will do whatever it takes to save them. I am proud to call myself a conservationist. I will continue to be an advocate for the environment and wildlife because one person can and does make a difference.

    Con·ser·va·tion·ist
    Noun: A person who advocates or acts for the protection and preservation of the environment and wildlife.

  • A birthday letter to my son

    Dear Dylan,

    Nine years ago today I gave birth to the most wonderful child I could ever imagine. He was perfect in every possible way. That child was you. You have made me a better person and bring so much joy to my life. You continue to amaze me with your knowledge about animals and compassion for others. Sometimes I wonder if I’m talking to a child or an adult. Even though I often tell you to be quiet (because you talk non-stop), I love listening to you tell me about what you have learned.

    You have already done some pretty great things, including raising over $1,000 for the tigers, and I can’t wait to see what you do next. I just know that you are going to grow up and become something truly special. You have and you will continue to make a difference in the world.

    As much as I would like to keep you small and miss the days when I could hold you in my arms, I know that you are growing up. I no longer have to lift you up to see over the railing or hold you on my shoulders. I don’t have to tell you to hold my hand anymore, but I sure do like it when you reach for mine. You see Dylan, this tells me that in some small way you are still my little boy.

    And when you act silly or climb on animals statues begging for me to take your picture … well, this reminds me that you are still a kid too … at least a kid at heart.

    Happy Birthday Dylan!

    Love,
    Mom

  • The kindness and generosity of a stranger that I will never forget

    Two weeks ago I received an email from someone I didn’t know. I met them a few days later, for a brief moment, and all I could do was smile and say thank you for your kindness and generosity – this means so much to me. Actually, I think I said thank you about 5 times.

    Here is the email:

    Hi Michelle,
    I just read Dylan’s story in the Newport Beach Independent. I think his dedication to his dreams and concern for wildlife at such a young age is not only admirable but, inspirational.
    Given his passion for Tigers, I have something he might be interested in having. It’s a beautifully framed picture of a tiger (believe it’s a Bengal or Malayan – not sure). It’s a print by a well known artist, Jouve. It measures about 30” x 45 or so.
    It retails for about $140 online. I’ve had it listed on Craigslist for $45 but, frankly that site brings out people who aren’t serious or who make an initial inquiry but never respond back. I thought given the excellent condition and low price, I’d surely find a buyer but, I didn’t.
    I then saw Dylans great story this am…. I’d like to give it to him, or you can give it to him as a gift yourself (doesn’t matter to me), no charge. Given his passion for Tigers, I think he might enjoy having it?
    I’ve attached some pics of the painting. If you think he might be interested in it, please let me know. I’m local in Corona del Mar. Thank you.


    The picture now hangs in our living room.
    Tigre Royal
    I may never see this person again, but I will remember them forever. This gift means more than any amount of money donated for Dylan’s birthday wish because this gift came from the heart. This gift is priceless.
    Pierre-Paul Jouve was an acclaimed sculptor and illustrator – he is known for his depiction of big cats and for illustrating a French edition of Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Book. Some of his work can be seen in the National Museum of Wildlife Art, located in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. 

  • What dreams would you pursue if money were no object?

    Everyone has dreams – things they want to do and places they want to go. For some it is to climb the corporate ladder, for others it is to raise a family or maybe travel the world. We all have different dreams, but most of us have one thing in common – money. Ah yes, the almighty dollar that seems to control our wants and desires.


    The other day I was thinking. Well, really I was daydreaming. Dreaming of all the things I wish I could do and the places I wish I could go. Then I remembered a promise that I made to Dylan a few years ago – to take him to Africa. Yes, way back when he wanted to visit Africa and see the animals he loves so much in their natural habitat.



    What I wouldn’t give to make this dream come true for both of us, but that little thing we call money keeps getting in the way. I have never been one to like the word no, so I will keep this dream alive, for me and for Dylan. One day we will make it to Africa.

    Then I got to thinking. Yes, this time really thinking. What else would I do if money were no object? 


    Five years ago I probably would have said buy a big house on the beach and spend my summers living in Maui. Today my answers are a little different – actually, a lot different! Maybe I have matured, or maybe I just see the bigger picture now. Maybe a little of both.

    If money were no object I would:

    • Buy a small home and live the simple life. 
    • Volunteer my time teaching others about conservation.
    • Give more than $25 a month to non-profit organizations that I believe in.
    • Travel to Australia and see the Great Barrier Reef before it disappears forever.
    • Give my son the best education possible so he can be whatever he wants to be.
    • Travel to all the amazing zoos around the world.
    • Spend time on the open ocean and see the whales and dolphins living free.
    • Create a scholarship for college students studying the environment, zoology, and wildlife conservation.
    • Travel to Africa.



    Not once did I think about buying designer clothes, a fancy car, or a big home. When I asked my friends on Facebook what they would do if money were no object, I was pleasantly surprised by their answers. Volunteer more, fund projects that change the world, pro bono work, feed and clothe the homeless – none of which are selfish answers. Now I’m not saying there is anything wrong with wanting to buy a big house or designer clothes; it is just nice to know that other people see the bigger picture too.


    What would you do if money were no object? 


    Think about and make your own list. Then take that list and make it a to-do list or a bucket list. Turn your dreams into realities because nobody likes to hear the word No. 




    Photo courtesy of zrim under the Creative Commons License.





  • Sometimes God needs little angels too

    Last week was a rough one for me and for many of the teachers and students at Ensign Intermediate School. Working at a school, you become very close to the students … so close that these students seem to become children of your own. You see them every day and you watch them grow. You share in their triumphs and in their sorrows – and when the unthinkable happens, your cry with them.

    Last week, one of our students, Madison “Maddy” May Boutelle, passed away. She was only 13 years old. Taken away from her friends and family too soon, but I know that God had a reason. Death is hard for adults, so you can only imagine what it must be like for a teenager. The hallways were quieter than usual and the tears came without warning. As a school counselor told me, sometimes it hits you like a tsunami and you have to just go with it.

    I attended the services to celebrate the life of Maddy on Saturday, along with over 1,000 other people, most of which were her classmates. It was a beautiful service, but something I can’t get out of my mind is the church filled with children. Children saying goodbye to their friend. A girl who accepted everyone for who they were and did not judge. A girl who had a smile that could light up a room. As beautiful as this sight was, and I will never forget it, I hope I never have to see it again.

    Something I learned about Maddy was that she always said hello with a smile and hug and goodbye with I love you. I think this is wonderful way to live life.

    I know that life cannot be lived in the what if, but the what if is all I could think about for the latter part of the week. What would I do if something ever happened to Dylan? No parent should ever have to say goodbye to their child. I don’t know when God will need me or when he will need my son, but I do know that I cannot live life in the what ifs. I will say hello with a smile and a hug and I will say goodbye with I love you.

    To all the parents out there – Love your children and cherish every moment you have with them. Hold them a minute longer, a little tighter – even when they start to pull away. Take nothing for granted and live life to the fullest. Take the time to get to know your children and be their friend as well as their parent. Take pictures, lots of pictures.

    Because you never know when God is going to need a little angel to watch over us.

  • A little guide to life

    I received a birthday card today that fit my life so well that it could have been written just for me. The words are so beautiful … I hope they bring a smile to your face like they did to mine.

    Be good to yourself.

    There are some things everyone deserves –
    Love, respect, time to recharge.
    Never settle for less.

    Seek out your dreams.

    Start small. Take it as it comes.
    Even a butterfly has to inch along before getting its wings.

    Listen to your heart.

    Trust your gut.
    If the way seems unclear, look within you.

    Let your voice be heard.

    You have a story to tell and opinions that count.
    And a difference to make.

    Stay curious.

    Wonder.
    Take every opportunity to learn.
    Knowledge is a gift. It will take you places.

    Hold on to what’s important.

    Let worries go.
    No matter how you look at it, some things just don’t make sense.
    The way you choose to carry on is what really matters.

    And when you make that list of what you want in life,
    make another list of what you’ve got.
    Be sure to start with all the things that make you a beautiful person.
    There are so many.

    Most of all, remember you’re loved.
    Always.

  • Do you take time to journal?

    I took a few days off from blogging and tried to disconnect with the electronic world, while connecting with the real world. Took some nice walks along the trails with Dylan, spent an afternoon at Irvine Regional Park, and lots of time just sitting on the couch at night reading magazines. It was nice to have a little breather and clear my head.
    Some time to reflect on the past year. No, not as in New Years reflecting, but as in birthday reflecting. Yep, another year has come and gone and I’m not getting any younger.

    A clear head means it is time to start documenting what I am going through. When I was a teenager I had a diary that I wrote in every night. I documented all my deep, dark secrets.

    Not too long ago I came across one of my old diaries. I laughed, I cried, and I even felt a little heartache for the girl who suffered from her first broken heart.

    Now that I have a blank slate, I thought it was the perfect time to start writing again. Not the things a teenage girl writes, but what I feel is important in my life now. The things I want to do. Places I want to go. The legacy I want to leave.

    Seeing that I’m passionate about wildlife and conservation, I think my new San Diego Zoo Global Wildlife Conservancy journal is the perfect place to start. Who knows, my thoughts and ideas could spark awareness and make a difference in the world.

    Do you keep a journal? What do you write about?

  • Redefining who I am

    I have spent the past three nights doing pretty much nothing. Well, not nothing because I have enjoyed spending time with Dylan and catching up on reading some magazines that seemed to pile up faster than I thought possible. I have been able to get a good nights sleep and noticed things in my surroundings that have always been there, but that I was just too preoccupied to notice.

    I have had time to reflect on my choices and my decisions that I have made for myself. Time to redefine who I am and what I want. Mid-life changes, coming of age, who knows … I will be 42 years old next month and started thinking what have I done with my life? What legacy will I leave behind for my child, and hopefully one day, my grandchildren? Have I really done anything that spectacular? No, not really.
    I didn’t lose as many followers as I thought I would when I changed the blog last week. However, there is one more change that I wanted to make. A change that would really force me to redefine who I am. This decision took me a while to make. 
    For almost 14 years I have been a makeup artist or worked in the beauty industry. My focus has been cosmetics, beauty, and skin care. People have come to know me as this. However, what  I discovered is that this was not my passion in life – rather it was my obsession. Does that make sense? It was something I was good at, and still am, yet it’s not who I am. For those of you have been following Beautyisms, you may have noticed the Facebook page is gone and no tweets have been going out. Well, this is because I am stepping away from my obsession. I am ending that part of my life. I am moving on.
    My real passion in life has always been animals and the environment. During high school I became active in Greenpeace and drove an hour just to be part of a dolphin movement called Don’t Say Goodbye. The decor of my home has always been nature and ocean inspired and now with my son we are adding more animal inspirations. This is who I am and what I want to be known for.
    I remember how scared I was when I told my parents that I was pregnant – especially considering I was single and knew the guy wouldn’t be around. Something that my Dad told me has always stuck with me. He said, God does things for a reason. 
    I believe that now more than ever because my son, through his love of animals, reminded me of my true passion. The passion that inspires me to see the world as a better place than I did before. 
    The passion that brings me to tears when I see pictures of animals being killed for their body parts. 
    The passion that gives me such a sense of calmness and peace when I see the ocean. 
    The passion that comes with such enthusiasm and sincerity to share – To inspire others. 

  • I finally see the big picture

    There is nothing quite like spending a little time with yourself. Turning off the television. Unplugging from the laptop and cell phone. Dare I say, going to bed at 9 p.m. and just letting your mind go blank. No thinking of what needs to be done tomorrow or what you might be missing out on because you turned all connections to the outside world off.

    After four days of tuning out and tuning in to myself, I came to a realization – an epiphany of the big picture. Of what matters to me and what my purpose is on this planet. There are things that I am passionate about and I want to share these things, write about them, and hopefully inspire others to be passionate too.

    My blog is my blog and I’m tired of people telling me what I should or shouldn’t do. What I can or can’t write about. I don’t need a swag bag or free admission to someplace for me to write about something I like. If I like something, then I will write a post about it. If I believe strongly about a cause, then I will write about it.

    I share what I want and I am honest in what I say. I will not say something is great if it is not. I will not promote a brand or place that I don’t personally use and support myself. Sure, I’ve written a few sponsored post, but I was honest in my opinions and tried to write from a viewpoint of the average person. When I see blogs filled with sponsored posts, it doesn’t tell me anything except that the writer was compensated in some way to tell you how wonderful something is.

    When I see 20 different people all writing about how wonderful a place is it makes me wonder – could it really be that great? I don’t need to see a movie a week before it opens to tell you how good the movie is. I have no problem paying to see a movie, and if I really like it I will let you know. Even worse, when I see people writing about a place that I know for a fact has long lines or isn’t as “perfect” as the writer makes it out to be, my blood begins to boil. Call it ethics, call it morals, call it loyalty, call it whatever you like. Whatever you choose to call it, that’s how I write.

    I have been a member of the Zoological Society of San Diego for almost 8 years – nobody is paying me, giving me free things, or special treatment to write about our experiences at the San Diego Zoo or San Diego Zoo Safari Park. The same goes for LEGOLAND California – we have an annual membership and have never been treated differently because of the posts I write about LEGO’s or LEGOLAND. We have a family membership to Aquarium of the Pacific, so I will share our experiences there.

    Dylan and I are huge animals lovers. Land animals, ocean animals – between the two of us, we are ready to save them all! We believe in conservation, preservation, protection, and educating people about these beautiful animals that are disappearing from our planet. I want to share more about this with those who choose to read my blog. Not because it’s the “topic of the moment” or because I am getting something in return, but because it’s who I am. What I get in return is the satisfaction of inspiring someone else to see the world a little differently than they did before. I get the pure joy of being true to myself.

    That being said, there will be some changes happening here over the next few weeks. I may lose some readers and some followers on twitter, but that’s OK with me. If someone doesn’t like me for being me and writing about what I believe in, then that is there choice. My success is not measured by twitter followers, page views, or Facebook “likes” – my purpose in life is to be the best I can be for me and for my son. To be true to myself and in doing that find joy in the simple things.