Life with Dylan

Category: Thoughts and Reflections

  • I planted a tree … My tree

    If you have children, then you probably know about the little seedling that comes home from school in 3rd grade in honor of Arbor Day. Well, 34 years ago I brought home one of those little seedlings and cared for it until it grew big enough to put in a real pot. Then my Dad transplanted it into a larger pot – a big wooden crate one if I remember correctly.  With a little water, sunlight, and love my tree continued to grow.

    My tree grew so big that when I was in the 8th grade it was time to transplant it again. This time we planted it in the earth – where it would grow and thrive.

    My tree has provided oxygen to the planet. A home for squirrels and birds. Shade for the plants growing beneath it. Even more than the wonderful things my tree did for the environment, my tree was something that I could watch grow year after year. My tree provided a great story for people who came to the house.

    My parents recently decided to sell their home. No reason to have a huge 5 bedroom house when all the kids have moved out, so they are downsizing. Aside from the memories of my childhood home, I can’t help but wonder, what will happen to my tree? Will the new owners keep the tree or will they, it hurts to even say it, cut it down? It’s way to big now to transplant.

    I cannot control what happens to my tree anymore, but I can start a new tree with the seedling my son brought home a few weeks ago. I can start making new memories. Start nurturing a new home for animals.

    If your child didn’t bring home a tree, that’s all right. Go to your local nursery or nature center and buy a seedling of your own. Nurture it, water it, and love it. Plant your seedling and watch it grow.

    Who knows, maybe one day your tree will grow to be as big as my tree – or maybe even bigger.

    This picture was taken from the street to show the size of the tree in comparison to the 2-story house.

    Tomorrow is Earth Day and I urge you to plant a tree.

  • Strengthening Family Bonds

    Well, Spring Break is over. I have gone back to work. Dylan has gone back to school. No more staying up late and sleeping in. It’s back to the daily grind of packing lunches and homework.
    Sounds sad right?

    It all depends on how you look at the situation. We both had so much fun over the break on our mini-vacation in San Diego (yes, I will be posting pictures and sharing soon) that we have decided to adapt to the vacation mode lifestyle. At least as much as we can and still manage to go to work and school.

    Over the break we led a simple life. No real schedules, no hectic going from one place to another. We talked more – real conversations. We laughed more and I believe our bond as mother and son strengthened because my attention was focused on us. On our family. Not on what had to be done around the house or checking emails.

    He said please and thank you more. He actually put things away without me asking him to. This went on the whole week of Spring Break and has continued. Was this my son? Why the sudden change?

    Well, as with any change, it is best to look at what was done different in your daily routine. Knowing that I couldn’t really count going to the San Diego Zoo, or the San Diego Zoo Safari Park, or staying at a hotel for two nights, I had to think. What had we done different.

    Ah yes, that was it. We were talking, not arguing. We were smiling, not pouting. We laughed instead of crying over hurt feelings. We treated each other with love and respect.

    Something happened in San Diego, and I can’t quite put my finger on it – but I’m not complaining.
    I like adapting to a simpler life. Enjoying what each day brings and planning new things to do together – as a family. Because when all is said and done, the strength of a family can move mountains. Me and Dylan – we’re moving some mountains.

  • Inspire. Support. Love.

    As a parent, I believe it is my job to help my son be the best he can be. To inspire him to follow his passions. To support him in his choices. To love him for having the drive and aspiration to learn more about the world around us.

    Meeting Zookeeper Rick – April 12, 2012

    We just spent three days in San Diego on a mini-vacation for Spring Break and aside from being exhausted from all the walking, I came to a realization. Not really a big surprise, but one that I know now I must support.

    My son has a deep love and compassion for animals. He thrives on learning more about them and sharing his knowledge with others.

    He respects the animals and their environments. Sometimes, to my embarrassment, he actually corrects tourists at the zoo.

    The other day there was a group of kids screaming inside the panda exhibit and he said, “Mom, can’t they read the signs? It says to be quiet in here.”

    He started to get really upset and proceeded to tell the kids to be quiet. During another instance, some people referred to the meerkats as prairie dogs – big mistake. Yep, he corrected them … while I looked the other way.

    This got me thinking. When did his love for animals start?

    (more…)

  • Imperfections are beautiful too

    When the weight of the world seems to be crumbling around you, even the smallest task can become overwhelming. This has been the story of my life for the past few weeks.

    As much as I wanted to be perfect, like this rose with each petal meticulously forming around the other, I just couldn’t do it. Finding perfection and beauty in anything was damn near impossible.

    I was depressed and couldn’t snap out of it.

    I did my best to put on happy face and pretend that everything was OK – but inside I knew that it wasn’t.

    Inside, I was screaming for someone to make the pain go away. To make the imperfections I was feeling go away.

    I was tired, no exhausted. Mentally and physically exhausted. My world seemed to be spiraling out of control and the only thing I could control was how I treated myself.

    I could be hard on myself and notice every single flaw. Every single petal that was not quite right. Like this pink rose with petals falling off, I was flawed.

    I have gained weight and that upset me. How did I cope with this? By eating more of course. Then I could turn around and be mad at myself for eating. This I could control.

    I’m not happy with my home. The clutter and chaos has taken over.

    How did I cope with this?

    (more…)

  • Kind words go a long way

    A smile can be contagious and can lift your spirits.
    A hug can make you feel better from head to toe.

    Both can do wonders, but both are temporary. Words linger … words make you think … words can do more than you realize.

    The other day, completely out of the blue, I got a message on Facebook from an old friend. The kindest words I have heard read in a long time.

    “You’re a rad mom!”

    My reply, “Thanks, what did I do?”

    “Just doing your thing, being a proud momma! Love it! It’s the most endearing and attractive quality in a woman. And I love that you are setting a great example and installing faith in your child’s life. You’re doing all right and you should be reminded of that.”

    The lesson here – kind words are always appreciated. We may be thinking them, but how often do we actually say them?

  • My open letter for all the single moms out there

    Dear Doubter,

    You know who are. You are the one who told me when I was 6 weeks pregnant that I should consider giving my child up for adoption. That there were plenty of wealthy families in Orange County that would love to have a new baby. People that could provide a much better life for my child than I could.

    Why? Because I was a single 32-year old woman and couldn’t possibly offer this child what he needed.

    Why? Because I didn’t own a home or have a six-figure income. Because we all know that money is what buys love and happiness right?

    You doubted me. You doubted my abilities.

    Money does not buy love or happiness. Sure, it helps when you’re not struggling paycheck to paycheck, but a child does not know the difference between a brand new toy and used toy. It’s a toy. A child does not care if their clothes are brand new, designer labeled or if they come from a consignment store. The important thing is that a parent provides clothing for a child.

    Yes, I struggled and sometimes still struggle – but I have friends and family that have always been there to help with babysitting and moral support when I need it.  My son never suffered or wanted for anything when he was a baby, a toddler, and now an 8-year old boy. He is loved more than you will ever know.

    Why? Because I don’t think you know what love is or what it means to be a mother. You may take your family on vacations across the world and my vacations may only be to San Diego for the weekend, but I bet we have more fun than you do. Why? Because we appreciate the vacation and don’t take anything for granted. We don’t live in a big house on the hill or drive a fancy car, but we have a roof over our head and a car that doesn’t guzzle gas.

    I have wanted to write this letter to you for some time now. My son, you know the one you wanted to me to give away, just had a report card that blew me away. More than the one last year.
    He is reading at a 4th grade reading level (reminder, he’s in 3rd grade) – he is excelling in math and science – he is a Cub Scout – he will be getting his 3rd grade Bible in a few days – he’s an artist – he loves animals – he is everything that he should be and more.

    Why? Because I loved him and gave him things that money couldn’t buy.

    So the next time that you see a single woman, an unwed woman, who is pregnant think twice before you open your mouth. Single moms work harder than you do. Single moms don’t have everything handed to them. Single moms know how to love. Single moms are strong.

    We will fight harder for our children and protect them from people like you more than anyone I know. Never doubt the love of a single mom.

  • The Little Ordinary Things

    I don’t know about you, but last week was a massive whirlwind for me. It’s not that I had anything more to do than normal, but I just kept running out of time. Three days last week I had to spend my lunch break driving across town to deliver lunch to my son at his school because I ran out of time to make his lunch at home.

    Laundry, um well, it got done the week before and we are still pulling socks out of the clean laundry basket because matching socks and folding pj’s just didn’t seem to be a priority.
    Dishes? Yep, they piled up too.

    Tonight I feel like I got caught up – well, at least a little bit. That was until I happened to look up at the top of my bookcase and saw this sad, sad plant.

    Now to some of you, this just looks like any ordinary house plant. To me, this is the one plant that I haven’t killed! I have kept this little guy alive for over 7 years and that includes 3 moves.

    That’s huge for me!

    Seeing him so sad and wilting made me realize that I really have not been looking at the important things in my life. The things that I take for granted.

    The little things that make me smile each day.

    Like this plant …

    and my son’s face when I tell him he did a good job…

    or that I am proud of him.

    These little things, that seem so ordinary to us, suddenly become extraordinary when we start to neglect them. They become lifeless and it’s all we can do but take notice of how important they really are.

    So those socks in the laundry basket that need to be folded and the dishes in the sink can wait. Nothing will happen to them. They won’t wilt. They won’t look sad.

    However, my little plant and my son will.

    Moral of the story – No matter how busy you get, no matter how big of a whirlwind your life becomes, never forget about the little ordinary things that mean so much to you.

  • Life with Dylan has a new look!

    You may have noticed that the blog looks a little different – well, that’s because I gave it a minor makeover. I have a new outlook on life and I wanted that to reflect on the blog. So I added some instagrams, more vibrant colors and created a new header. Doing it all one smile at a time.

    Wondering when I had the time to do all this? Well, that’s where my new outlook on life comes in.
    I have embraced the concept of saying no to other people and yes to myself. I now have time to do the things I want to do.

    Working on the new blog design and changing the Facebook pages for Life with Dylan and Beautyisms over to the new timeline format is something I have been wanting to do. I might make some more adjustments this weekend to the timeline cover photos, but for now I’m good.

  • Do you listen to your body?

    Recently I’ve been feeling run down and very extremely tired. While we were on break last week I was up until 1 or sometimes 2 a.m. – I slept until at least 10 most days and a few days it was almost 11 before I could peel myself out of bed.

    My to-do lists seem to be never-ending. The things I want to do and events I want to attend seem to be put on the back burner to make room for more projects I keep saying yes to.
    When am I going to learn to say no?

    Sure, I keep saying that I am going cut back and make time for me – do what I really want to do – even if all that means is sitting on the couch to read some magazines, walking on the beach, or writing a blog post.

    Yet somehow this is not what is happening. For every one project I said no to, I seem to have said yes to three others. There is definitely something wrong with this scenario … and my body is trying to tell me something.

    My body is saying “Hello, snap out of it. Listen to me. You’re not a spring chicken anymore and you need to slow down.” So why am I not listening to my body? Why can I not say no to people?

    When your body is so tired that you can’t wait to go bed, but when you finally lay down your brain goes into overload … there is a problem.

    When insomnia sets in and you lay in bed for 2 hours watching the clock … there is a problem.

    When you don’t listen to your body … there is a problem.

    Starting today, starting right now, I am going to listen to my body. Some people may be upset or annoyed with me when I tell them that I can’t finish something I said I would do and the house might not be spotless. The laundry and dishes may pile up, but that’s OK because I am going to start saying yes to me and start listening to my body.

    How often do you listen to your body when it’s trying to tell you something?

  • Who do you think I am … Your Mother?

    This past week has been nothing short of a much needed break. For me and for Dylan. While some people had last Monday off for the Presidential holiday, our school district had the entire week off. Technically it’s called Presidents Week, but everyone calls it Ski Week.

    We didn’t go skiing. Heck we didn’t even leave Orange County really. Our days have consisted of staying up late, sleeping in, watching movies, building LEGO houses, a trip to the Aquarium of the Pacific, and me catching up on some to-do lists. Nothing overly exciting, but nonetheless, welcomed and needed.

    Somewhere among all the relaxing, my son actually expected me to make him breakfast at 9 a.m. every day. Then a few hours later he was hungry again and wanted lunch – then dinner.

    What? I’m on vacation.

    And even when I’m not on vacation I only make him dinner because he eats lunch at school and my mom makes him breakfast since I have to be at work so early in the morning.

    Three meals a day? Really? Do you know how many dishes that equates to? Enough to give me dishpan hands!

    Rather than spend my time leisurely surfing the web, writing on my blogs, and pinning until my hearts content on Pinterest, I am expected to entertain this child of mine. Not for just a weekend, but for 9 whole days. Two weekends with a week in the middle.

    Who does this child think I am … his Mother or something?

    Why yes, I am. So no matter how much I want to sleep in or tune out to the world around me, I will make 3 meals a day, wash dishes, do laundry, and entertain this child I love so much.

    Why? Because I am his mother and I wouldn’t have it any other way.